Think back to your child hood programmes you watched as a kid. Now kids have very good imaginations and their TV shows represent that. Some kid could be sat in a box pretending it was a plane or tank or something. The TV show would then show what their imagining by showing you them flying around blowing up the bad guys. But does this work if you change the kid in the box to a fit girl in tight clothes imagining she got guns and a samurai sword.

This is what Mr Snyder does and to be fair does it with some balls. I mean at one point an Asian girl has to steal a lighter out of some guy’s pocket. Not that big of a deal really. However just showing someone nick something out of a top pocket is boring and more to the point not very ballsy. So what does Mr Snyder do? He shows the main character being dropped off in a  lord of the rings scenario and after she’s killed a bunch of Nazi robot orks, She kills a couple of dragons to which my brain can only define as meaning she now has control of fire. Perhaps that made sense to you but unfortunately gaming has killed my ability to imagine such bollocks.

However when the story is kind enough to go back to reality, I find myself actually enjoying the movie. There were good moments of interactions with characters which I found engrossing. However these moments were broken up by random bits of shit, girls in tight leather would kill Nazi ork robot things with planes, walking tanks, guns and sharp blade utensils. Then they would start jumping around in the skimpy skirts and you would be forced to stare at their knickers because their clothes were in no way suitable for their activities. I MEAN AT LEAST WEAR A FUCKING HELMET STUPID BITCH. Now I am kidding, I did enjoy watching this. It just weirdly felt out of place like watching porn in a church. I would but I wouldn’t go out of my way. I have a perfectly good house for that.

Also the transition from the real reality world we live in to this futuristic lord of the Nazis place was, the main girl would start dancing and then when she stopped dancing she would return to reality and all the men would all have this amazed look on their face like she had just strummed herself. Now throughout the movie I was sure they were going to shows us this orgasmic dance and just assumed they were saving it for the big ending. There was no dance. This left me a little disappointed but at the end of the day I would have only left the cinema totally happy if they had started up a lesbian orgy with all the main characters. With strapons and other weird kinky shit of course.

And there was this butch looking girl who kept slapping her sister’s ass. Kinda creepy, kinda great.

In conclusion go watch this movie if you’re a pervert. But it is a 12 so don’t plan on fapping because some of the younger audience won’t appreciate it.




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